It's been over a week now. Eight days and nights. Believe it or not, I haven't gone this long without an orgasm since my days at camp. I think I was 13. I can't really remember them well. Moments and events for sure, but day to day not so much. It was an all boys camp and there wasn't any shenanigans that I know about. We did catch a guy jacking off once, but there was very, very little talk of sex. I'm sure at home I was masturbating constantly by that age. It's hard to imagine that I so effortlessly survived ten straight days with hardly a thought of it.
I decided Sunday to limit my goes to twice per day. I'm not liking the odds, and I've done nothing to improve them so far. If this keeps up much longer, that may have to change. I've been out for a run in full-fem attire including my flared capris, but it was after dark. I did have to run past an emergency street crew working on a gas line under glaring flood lights--twice. Coming and going. They didn't say anything, but I KNOW what they were thinking! Still, it doesn't count.
The first few days I just wasn't into the cock. I wanted pussy. It IS a different 
feeling. Almost like being a kid again. I can get hard and stay hard with the slightest cues. My dick just twitches with excitement as I surf around and see beautiful women. It feels so much like sneaking into my brother's old box and looking at those Playboys. Just like then, the feelings are wonderful and confusing and frustrating. I didn't know how to play then, and no play is allowed now.
Yesterday morning was a bit different. My mind drifted gay all the way. I was mesmerized by that perfect penis. Running my tongue up and down its shaft while my hands glide over that muscled chest. I gently squeeze his balls. Pumping that stiffness in my hand, I first sucked one ball, then the other, at last popping that cock in my mouth, sliding it down my throat and receiving his cum. . . .
I was right on the edge when I remembered the game. A minute or two later the screen changed, and I immediately let go. Damn bitch! My dick just hung there in the air, pulsing with an oily sheen. I reveled in the feeling of my raging hard-on, engorged to the point of splitting open, searching for the stimulation that would let it spray gobs of cum everywhere that I could then spoon into my starving mouth.I looked so big. So inviting. I wanted it in my mouth so bad. My cock. Any cock. And that hunger makes me want to change the game a bit. When I cum I know it's going to be a choking load, and I want it in my mouth, fresh, hot and gagging.
There's just no practical way to play and accomplish that too. The rules are such that I don't know when I'm going to get to cum, I play for nine minutes stroking to the picture of that delightful dick, if his picture comes up on the screen saver, I have 60 seconds to cum before the screen goes black. If I don't finish in time, well thanks for playing. Better luck next time. The purpose is of course to ensure I'm genuinely teasing myself with each masturbatory fling. I'm not sure what to do because when that time finally comes, gawd I want it fast, wet and gooey in my mouth!!!!
10 comments:
Funny - its been about 10 days for me - also a record in recent history. If you don't count prostrate milking, its been about 13 days. I'm ready...good luck making it longer. ;o)
Make it nine.
A strange experience to say the least. I expected that I'd be wanting to jerk off constantly, but that's not the result at all.
I think about sex all the time but not masturbating. It's actually not that difficult limiting myself to two per day. In fact, I actually skipped a go a couple nights ago. It seemed like a bother--without a point.
Now once I give in, that's another matter. The feelings are tremendous, and I appreciate them for themselves alone. I may have a 5% chance of an orgasm, but I have zero expectations.
Still the fantasies are very vivid and intense. Perhaps at least in part being bored with my restricted visual.
As I'm beating off, knowing the time is ticking away and the moment of truth growing ever nearer, I struggle with my anticipated response. If the release comes, will I "fail" to cum in 60 seconds. I'm sure I won't have any trouble if I want to, but I don't know if I want to or not. It will seem rather anti-climatic after days, now working toward weeks, of discipline.
It almost seems like I ought to "earn it." But I really have no desire to go out and do any of the tasks I set up to improve my odds. I'm not feeling it. Humiliating myself before strangers isn't currently holding an appeal, and I can't look sexy en femme.
I was this close to buying a pair of size 5 purple Candies jeans off the discount rack yesterday, thinking they might work with some heels I've got at home. But in the end, I thought why toss away even $10. I'll never wear 'em because they won't look the way I feel.
You'll waste that $10 some other way - go for the Candies jeans.
I am on day 1 now. My wife awoke this morning with a desire and I helped her so I'm starting over again.
I can definitely relate to your comments above - it seems like there is a bit of a cycle to chastity. I want to masturbate right away when I start wearing the device but, over a few days, the urge goes a bit dormant (not fully gone for me - just dormant) until something significant awakens the urge again.
Good luck - and think about those jeans because you're going to be two coffees or something else that you really don't need with that $10.
Hi Jamielin,
It's nice to see you're still blogging, and an engrossing read as always. It's been months and months since I've been here. I'm not sure what prompted me to go back and take a look at the blogs I used to read - temporary hormonal changes, perhaps? I DID run out of my testosterone-blockers for a several days during the long Thanskgiving holiday. Several of the blogs I used to read are gone or locked away, including my own, but others have popped up to replace them. I'm not sure if I should bring my own blog out of mothballs or not - there's SO much to tell from this side of the gender divide. Physically, psychologically and sexually, I am nearly a different person. I like to think it would be a fascinating read. But I worry about anonymity.
Take care,
Pamela
CH, you're just bragging now!!!!!! Good on you AND the wife.
Pamela, I'd thought about asking to be "invited" to your blog. I get the idea that you've not been actively writing. Maybe I've misunderstood.
Yes, there have been many that have slipped away. I of course purged my first go too. Afterwards, I continued lurking. I wonder, are TVFA, Julie, Perfect Lips and others reading us right now? Anyway, I decided not to purge last Spring, and glad I could come back to it, although I've not done any of the stuff I'd planned.
I've been thinking maybe that's the way I could "earn it." Writing about something more meaningful.
Privacy is a serious issue of course, but given the steps you're taking, how can you be hiding anyway? I shouldn't even go there. Nobody can know your reasons but you, and that's good enough.
As always, thanks for dropping me a note. You know what an attention whore I am. Silly, but I always get excited when I see there's a new comment. I'm so bad I've thought about going private myself because sometimes I get a bit peeved so many people visit but never participate. Maybe I comment too much on other people's blogs, but I feel like it's not only polite, but honestly the most interesting stuff usually evolves from comment discussions.
Hi Jamielin,
So happy to see you wrote back!
Faux Whore fauxwhore.blogspot.com never responds to her comments, which is one of the annoying things about her. So thanks for that. I agree that the most interesting stuff evolves from comment discussions!
No, I haven't been actively writing, at least not about sexuality. I'm seriously thinking about it again though, as I have a huge stack of brand new post-transition subjects I need to explore. I think it would be helpful for me to explore them, and writing helps me crystalize my thoughts. I'd like to clean up the old blog before I take it out of mothballs though - get rid of all the copyrighted images to bring it into TOS compliance, and probably just focus on words.
I fell asleep last night thinking about sexuality and woke up this morning with a flurry of new ideas and notes to write down, a lot of it inspired by things I read on your blog last night. One of the big light bulbs was about the nature and expression of submissive fantasies.
My physical transition has not been private of course, by definition. But my blog most definitely has been and will be anonymous, as it focuses on unseen inner thoughts and feelings. I take pains to erase identifying details.
I hear you about bloggers not responding. At some point the conversation comes to an end, but an on-point question relating to the post that is not asking for personal identifying information?!?!
I agree with you on the therapeutic nature of blogging. Writing life demands an honesty that can be hard work. I think that's why I'm avoiding sharing my latest adventures, as well as an old matter that's recently resurfaced. I'd rather just be lazy and play.
Details? Sometimes I wonder just what I'm doing. There's more than enough I've shared here that there are dozens of people who'd know exactly who wrote it. I guess I'm hoping I don't hang out with too many pervs--or am I?
Size 5 jeans?! Wow - you need to buy them and post a picture, please!
Sheen V, do you doubt my veracity? It's true, I was a little uncertain myself. The only juniors items I wear are panties, size 5. I wear a size 4 skirt. I've got a 13 year old niece who borrowed a pair of my jeans during a visit this summer. Some eyebrows were raised when I confirmed that I currently wear the jeans I loaned her. (She had her own panties.)
Other than the ladies athletic gear, I've never tried pants. I thought I really ought to try them on before buying. I was in a bit of a rush during lunch hour and the Christmas shopping lines were unreasonable. But I skipped lunch today, so as CH said, there's the $10 right there.
Maybe I will reconsider. . . .
Okay, I've reconsidered. If they're still there, I'll try them on. If they don't fit, I'll try others until I find out what size does.
I've got on my lavender sport bra, a purple ladies tank and my favorite pink polka dotted panties just for the occasion. I realize I need some purple panties too. Better fix that as well!
If the fun's not incentive enough, if I whimp out, no spanking it 'til Thursday and the odds get worse!
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